Scared to death that I now had to actually move my body if this journey was going to take me where I wanted to go I had to figure out what I was capable of doing.
Just about every trainer or weight loss expert says to WALK. They make it sound so easy. I was afraid of exercise - just as much as I am of going to the dentist.
For someone with a history of back problems, a drop foot after failed back surgery, severe nerve pain, a spinal cord stimulator implanted in my back to manage my pain, a foot brace and a history of plantar fascitis - asking me to walk was like asking me to talk Spanish. I knew a few words but would need help to do much more than count to uno.
How the heck was I gonna exercise if I couldn't even walk?? I had to face my fears and find out what I was truly made of.
I cannot walk for long distances, especially outside, due to the uneven terrain. With a drop foot I have the inability to dorsiflex my toes and tend to fall on my face if I step wrong. I usually walk with a cane and occasionally even with a walker on my very bad days. I take pain medication just to get through my day. I have a wheelchair that I use if I want to go to the Mall or the State Fair or something big like that.
I knew I had to get moving and so I chose to buy a used treadmill. A treadmill has a flat surface so I didn't have to worry about uneven terrain. A treadmill also has handles so I could hold on as I walked. It appealed to me too that a moving belt would force me to walk or risk falling on my face and I wasn't willing to do that. I also liked the idea that I could do it in the privacy of my own living room without anyone watching or judging (or laughing) at me.
The problem with walking outside - especially if you have issues with pain - is that if you walk away from your house and then realize you are in so much pain you can't continue - how the heck are you supposed to get back home if your blocks away when you reach your wall?
So we forked out a couple hundred $$ and set the treadmill up in our living room so I was forced to stare at it everyday. While sitting in the recliner it seemed to scream at me - Hey FATSO - get your butt over here and get walking. It was not going to become a clothes hanger this time!!!
I remember the day as if it were yesterday - it was 4/15/2011 - the first time I used my treadmill I walked 6 minutes and walked at a speed of .5 mph. at a zero incline and I AM NOT KIDDING!!!! - I burned a whopping 18 calories. I cried. I asked myself what was the point.
I logged everyday I walked into an Excel spreadsheet and it is so cool to see now the progress I made in 10 months.
I am now walking 60 minutes a day - (2) 30 minute intervals at 3.0 mph at an incline of 6-8%. I have walked 92.74 hrs, 251.88 miles and burned 28,236.16 calories.
I would be lying if I didn't admit it has been the hardest thing I have ever done. There are nights I cry the whole time I am walking. I take extra pain pills to fall asleep some nights because it hurts so bad. I sit in our hot tub praying for the pain to go away....all in hopes that someday, just maybe, losing this weight will help my pain go away.
There are days I just can't do it. There are days I can't even do the 6 minutes but I have committed and I refuse to give up. I pray for strength everyday and pray that tomorrow will be a better day.
One year and a few weeks into my weight loss journey....finding myself one drop of sweat at a time, I am down 50 lbs but more importantly I am down 7 sizes!!!!!
I still have a ways to go to reach my goal weight of 150 lbs but armed with good information, a willingness to exercise as much as I can tolerate and a commitment to find myself, I am willing to make this journey a lifelong one.
This is how I know THIS TIME IS DIFFERENT!!!!
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